I hate “buts”. They are argumentative and negate everything said before them. Typically a “but” follows a more positive statement and signals disagreement, opposition, criticism or other negative language. This adds negativity to a conversation and can position you as an opponent instead of a colleague. Additionally, it sends a message that the more positive language was just intended as “pillows” put around the conversation instead of telling it straight out. Both of these do not promote clear and concise communications, which is always the goal.
There are times, though, that you have to voice a disagreement or objection. Let’s explore two better ways to do that than a “but”:
Instead of being an opponent, be a collaborator by using the phrase “yes, and…” (or similar) instead of the “but”. This validates what the other person said and is perceived as adding to it instead of taking away from it. For example: “Good point, but I think we should call the customer and discuss options with them.” versus “Yes, that is a good point, and I think we should call the customer and discuss options with them.” See the difference?
Just eliminate the “but”. See the difference in how these two ways of saying the same thing sound: “I can do the creative for this campaign, but I’ll need more time.” versus “I can do the creative for this campaign. I’ll have it to you in a week.” Which is a more positive conversation to you?
“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.” – Anon.
“I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying ‘yes’ than by saying ‘no’.” – Richard Branson
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