Dale Carnegie said that the only way to get the best of an argument was to avoid it. He was a very smart man.
I suppose the title of this post is a little misleading because the fact is you really can’t win an argument. You may be able to use your words to beat someone into submission. You may be able to force someone to comply with your wishes. And you may be able to make someone feel stupid and defeated. But you didn’t actually “win” anything.
Arguing with someone to prove your point simply proves you lacked the communication skills to help someone else see things your way…willingly.
There will always be disagreements in relationships, whether business or personal, because when more one than one person is involved there is a good chance you will have more than one opinion.
Here are a few ideas for lessening the chance a disagreement turns argumentative:
Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. If the first word out of your mouth when the other person stops talking is “but” then I just about guarantee that you were listening to respond instead of listening to understand. If you don’t understand what they said or meant then ask… nicely.
Explain your views clearly. You don’t like guessing what the other person is thinking so don’t make them guess either.
Stay on topic. Don’t introduce new differences and most certainly don’t try to rehash old ones.
No cheap shots. If you value the relationship, perhaps you should not use something cheap when trying to save something valuable from permanent damage.
When a discussion escalates into an argument, everybody loses something. Don’t lose by arguing, and never fool yourself into thinking that you’ve won.
“The volume of your voice does not increase the validity of your argument.” – Steve Maraboli
“Arguing isn’t communication, it’s noise.” – Tony Gaskins
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