Here’s a haiku for you:
Tell less and ask more.
Your advice is not as good
As you think it is.
This is from The Coaching Habit by Michael Stanier. The essence of the book is that good coaching will reduce other’s over-dependence on us, help prevent us from becoming overwhelmed, and prevent us from becoming disconnected from the things that really matter. And the way to do this? Not by giving orders… Ask more (good) questions!
There are 7 questions in the book. The first 3 form a robust script for a coaching conversation. They are the Kickstart Questions:
“What’s on your mind?” – A perfect way to start. The question is open but focused. Focus on the 3 “P’s” – Projects (stuff they are working on), People (relationships with the people they are dealing with to get stuff done and their role in it), and Patterns (their behaviors and ways of working that they want to change).
Then keep asking “And what else?” to give them a chance to share additional concerns (and feel they were heard).
“What’s the real challenge here for you?” – This is the $1 Million dollar question. This draws out what is really getting in the way of resolving their issue. Don’t be afraid to follow up with “And what else?” here a few times. Sometime the real issue is not always the first one and does not surface right away. You want them getting to the underlying cause, not the symptom to truly have a lasting impact.
“Answers are closed rooms; and questions are open doors that invite us in.” – Nancy Willard
“Without a good question, a good answer has no place to go.” – Clayton Christensen
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