Any time two or more people are involved in anything, communication challenges can surface – just ask anyone who is married, or has kids, or a sibling, or best friends, or co-workers…
The things we say can be categorized 3 ways:
Facts – These are recordable and verifiable things not open to interpretation. They are objective. “Here’s what happened” statements. You arrived 7 minutes late. Today is Tuesday. It’s raining.
Judgements – These are conclusions you make or opinions you have about things and people around you. They are subjective. “I think” or “In my opinion” statements. I think Joe was late because… In my opinion, Ann doesn’t care about her work because… Judgements are about YOU and the way YOU think, not the other person or even reality. YOU own your judgments. Often they get in the way of, and get confused with, the facts. Be explicit when you are stating judgments.
Feelings – These are how you feel. Again, they have nothing to do with the other person, just what is going on inside you. You own them. I feel disrespected... I feel frustrated… I feel excited… They are not facts and don’t relate to them. They are typically triggered by a judgement you make.
When communicating, all three have a role to play especially when dealing with feedback, constructive criticism, and conflict resolution. Being clear and stating what is what when communicating can make your conversations much easier.
“Your opinion is your opinion, your perception is your perception. Do not confuse them with ‘facts’ or ‘truths’.” – John Moore
“What you see and hear depends a great deal on where you are standing; it also depends on what sort of person you are.” – C.S. Lewis
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