All of us could be more aware of the impact of what we say, how we act and how we sound has on others others. Most of the time, what we intended is not what they perceive. Here’s a good example…
I grew up in a family that used humor as an expression of love. Not an uncommon thing. But not just any humor. We used teasing and sarcasm…incessantly. While that was the norm for my family, not everyone saw the love in how we spoke to each other. Most importantly.... my wife. Sarcasm and teasing were not a part of her family’s dynamics. It upset her when we did this. Her perspective was how could being the butt of a joke, laughing at someone else’s expense and being mean show you love them?!?!
She asked if I knew the origin of the work sarcasm which I did not know then (…I know it now). Sarcasm can be traced back to the Greek verb sarkazein, which initially meant "to tear flesh like a dog" and developed into meanings of "to bite one's lips in rage," "to gnash one's teeth," and eventually "to sneer." Again, how is that love?!?!
So when I thought I was showing love to my wife by including her in the family joking, I was really doing the opposite.
“It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.” – Frank Lutz
“It’s not what you look at that matter, it’s what you see.” – Henry David Thoreau
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