Active listening is the most important communication skill we can cultivate.
What is it? Simply, it’s focusing everything I have - my mind, body and heart - on paying attention to you when you are talking with me. Completely.
Listening to what you say, to how you say it and to what your body is doing. Only 7% of communication is verbal. The rest is body language and the tone of your voice.
Listening to how my body is reacting and what I am feeling when listening to you. We have these wonderful things called mirror neurons that will mimic what we are sensing around us (just yawn in a crowded room and watch what happens) and can give us clues to what’s happening with the person we are listening to.
Listening to what your intent is. Did I really understand what you meant or did I make my own assumptions. We hate the unknown and will make up stories to fill in the blanks, but they are not the other persons truth.
When others perceive you as a good listener, they become more engaged in the dialog with you. It also is a show of respect to the other person. Both of these things drive improved communication and relationships.
There is one component of listening in particular that can improve our active listening and help make us better communicators:
Did you ever notice that the word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT? On the surface it seems pretty straight forward. If I keep talking, I cannot be listening to you. So if I want to listen to you, I need to shut up! On a deeper level, if I am thinking about how I am going to respond to you, I am not fully paying attention to what you are saying either and I am not listening to understand.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intend to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey
“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I am going to learn, I must do it by listening.” – Larry King
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