The #1 Rule of Negotiation

The best trainer on how to negotiate I ever saw was a New Yorker named Herb Cohen.  He was an internationally renowned negotiator and crisis management consultant (he consulted with the Carter administration during the Iran Hostage Crisis).  He led his lecture with the phrase. “You have to care…but not so much.” (it reads better if you imagine it being said with a little bit of an old man New York accent).  This has stuck with me for years.

In other words, never get so emotionally attached to an outcome that you won’t walk away from a bad deal.  Why?  Because if you have no point of rejection, no line on the sand, no intolerable outcomes, you will cave in to ridiculous demands and leave with a deal you hate.  This is not just guidance in business, but applies to life in general.

It’s really simple.  You get what you tolerate.  What are you putting up with that you hate?  What have you not walked away from that you know you must?  A difficult customer? A dead-beat employee?  A relationship gone bad?  A dangerous environment?  Abuse?  Where will you draw the line?

 A characteristic trait of highly successful people is their rigid adherence to their “must haves” and their willingness to walk away from their intolerable.  They view these things as black and white…no gray.  Where do you stand?

“If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything.” – Alexander Hamilton

“You and I do not see things as they are.  We see things as we are.” – Herb Cohen

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Will you or won't you?

Happy New Year!  Are you excited for the upcoming new year?  I’m sure you are!  The beginning of the year is a special moment…your hopes are at their highest level.  You want to live your best year ever.  This also means you already wrote (or are thinking to write) your new year’s resolutions.

But…

…you need to know something very important.  It may be a little harsh, but…your new year’s resolutions will likely fail.  Recent research at Stanford University indicates that we only have so much energy for our mind to work on things, including the willpower needed to fulfill resolutions.  The more resolutions we set, the more willpower we need, the more energy we use up and the more likely we will run out of steam before reaching our goals.  What’s the secret to success?  Form a “habit chain” with your resolutions.

It turns out that new behaviors take a lot of willpower - for the first 21 days (this number is an average and can be a little different for you).  But, after that, they become easier and require less willpower.  They become habit.  The habit chain is when you pick one resolution, do it for 21 days to make it into a habit, then add the next one.  This way you do not run out of energy or willpower and you still get to all your resolutions.  And, this is not just great for New Year resolutions.  Have those pesky personal development items you are focusing on at work?  Ditto. 

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” – Ernest Hemingway 

“You can make a wish, or you can make it happen.” – Anon.

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