I’m not talking about home ownership, or car ownership, or business ownership. Not ownership of physical things. I’m talking about the only ownership that really counts. Owning your choices. Owning your actions. Owning your behavior. Your words. Your deeds. Your results. Owning your life.

”Owning it” means taking personal responsibility - even for the bad outcomes. It means accepting failure, and how you respond to it, as your own doing. No one else’s. No one else makes you say stupid things, or conduct yourself in foolish, regrettable ways. There’s a refreshing, unburdened freedom to all this. Because when you screw up, or regret something you did, or wish you hadn’t said what you said, or made a mistake that cost you dearly… the good news is… YOU have the power to fix it. To be better next time. To make a different choice. To use different words. To go a different route.

Here are examples of words uttered by ownership-type people:

“Wow, I really screwed up. I’m going to learn from this and do better next time.”
“I’m so sorry. No one else is to blame for this except me. I promise to make it right to you.”
“This is my doing. It’s on me. Please accept my humble apology, and I hope you’ll give me another chance.”

The highest achieving people… those with the most integrity… those we most want on our team… and in our circle of friends… “own it”.

The opposite of ownership is… blame. Blame is finding fault in someone or something other than you. I am not talking about when someone else makes a mistake, that happens. I’m talking about the 95% of the time when it’s really… you… and you won’t admit it.

Blamers say things like:

“She made me get rude and be disrespectful to her - did you hear what she said to me?”
“I know I promised it, but If my boss wasn’t on vacation, I could have gotten you an answer this morning.”

Blamers are excuse-making people who always have another person, policy, or event to point to… and accuse. They blame their parents, siblings, spouse, kids, the in-laws, best friend, bosses, co-workers, the guy in shipping, the woman in customer service, competitors, suppliers, rules, laws, traffic, the weather, the government... whoever or whatever is not there to defend himself. Or they’ll claim their watch stopped. The line at the bank was too long. Flat tire. The dog ate it. They are the “but” people. These are non-ownership people.

So, do you want to own it and not be a “but”? Here are three tips:

(1) What type of person are the 5 people you spend most of your time with? These are the people you are most influenced by. Only invite other owners into your inner circle.

(3) Don’t tolerate non-owners. I don’t mean be rude or ugly to them. I mean hold them accountable in a respectful way… or choose not to be around them.

(3) Just make the choice. I choose to be an owner, and no one can force me to be, or succeed in making me, a non-owning blamer. My decision, no one else’s.

What choice will you make?

”Owning your story is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.” - Brene Brown

“Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” - Booker T. Washington

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Most everyone has heard the phrase "the carrot or the stick". This refers to a policy of offering a combination of rewards and punishment to induce behavior. It is named in reference to a cart driver dangling a carrot in front of a mule and holding a stick behind it. The mule would move towards the carrot because it wants the reward of food, while also moving away from the stick since it does not want the punishment of pain, thus drawing the cart.

In business we combine both rewards (incentives, bonus, awards, etc) and punishments (disciplinary actions), in order to manage our employees to get the business results we desire. There is an appropriate place and time for both. “Appropriate” being the most important part. How and where you give rewards and punishment are just as important, if not more so, that what you do.

Reward in public. We never reward or simply say thank you enough. Do it more; do it often; and do it so everyone can see it. The more the merrier! Celebrations are great. We need to bring as much positive energy into our day as we can.

Punish in private. With anything from constructive criticism to a disciplinary action, do it in private. No one likes punishment. Being punished in front of other people is always worse, and it tends to close people off from listening to what you have to say. Let’s keep the negative thoughts, words and energy out of the public eye.

“It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it.” – Benjamin Franklin

“People work for money but go the extra mile for recognition, praise and rewards.” – Dale Carnegie

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