You Can't Handle The Truth!

Living within spitting distance of our nation’s Capital, we are exposed – more than most – to the back and forth antics between our political leaders and the press.  I think it is an unofficial game they play – can the politician stay on their pre-planned script vs. can the press get them to answer a question they are not prepared for or don’t want to answer.  We see it all the time.  Leaders that do not answer the question.  They will go around and around the issue – talk for minutes if not hours – and never directly answer the question asked.  

This is a trap a lot of us can fall into – not directly answering the question.  Maybe we do not have an answer and do not want to look bad.  Maybe we do not think they will like the answer.  Maybe we do not understand the question or interpret it differently than the person asking it.  Maybe we think we need to give all the “what-ifs” and complicate the answer.  Regardless of the reason, this bad habit makes communication difficult and, in the end, makes us all work harder to get things done.

Here are three things you can do to avoid this:

1.       Before you answer, restate the question to make sure you heard it right – classic active listening.

2.       Always directly answer the question asked first.  If you have other info you want to share or context for your answer, say that AFTER you answer the question.

3.       Once answered, ask the other person – “Did I answer your question?”  This is positive confirmation and closes the loop.

Finally, when answering a question, “I don’t know” is a completely acceptable answer (only if it is truthful). Too many times we feel we compelled to provide an answer even if we don’t have one.

“Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.” – Tony Robbins

“I am not bound to please thee with my answer.” – William Shakespeare

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Are You In The Right Relationship?

No, I am not going to give anyone marital advice (BTW, ever notice how close in spelling “marital” is to “martial”….just saying….).  I want to discuss the nature of good work relationships.  We are all adults here.  You know what….we should act like it!  Work relationships should be ADULT-TO-ADULT relationships, even between managers and their employees, not ADULT-TO-CHILD.  What’s the difference?

Characteristics of ADULT-TO-ADULT Relationships:

·         You own your stuff, and let the other person own their stuff.

·         You are able to ask for what you what, knowing that the answer may be no (and are ok with that).

·         Getting the job done is more important than who is right or being heard.

·         There is a clear understanding on the difference between WANTS & NEEDS in the relationship (leading to a good sense of priorities).

·         A feeling of mutual benefit exists and both people are getting value from the relationship.

Characteristics of ADULT-TO-CHILD Relationships:

·         It’s always about someone else – their fault – and the question of “fairness” comes up often (and no, life is not fair).

·         A feeling of obligation and/or entitlement exists.

·         Being right is more important than getting the job done.

·         Everything is viewed as a NEED and there is no sense of priorities.

·         The relationship is more one-sided.

At the end of the day, good adult relationships are where both parties take full ownership – responsibility and accountability – for their part in the relationship.

“Let’s not forget it’s you and me vs. the problem…  NOT you vs. me.” – Steve Maraboli

“When will the rhetorical questions end?” – George Carlin

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What did you say?

For something that should be as easy as breathing, good communication is difficult. 

Not only do we have to make sure that the person we are communicating with has all the important details, we also have to make sure they heard it the way we intended, they picked up on our urgency, they picked up on all the things we did not or forgot to say, and so on… 

As humans, we fill in any blanks ourselves, more often with assumptions that are incorrect (and you know what happens when you ass/u/me…).  Then, when you add in how busy and rushed we normally are, it’s no wonder we make so many communication mistakes.

No matter how good you think you are, let’s all focus on being a better communicator:

1. Take a breath, slow down, don’t rush.

2. Don’t be distracted – focus on the communication and topic in front of you.  Quick changes in topics can be confusing.

3. Be simple, concise and thorough.  You can write down notes beforehand to help you with this.

4. Remove all assumptions – If you are the communicator, ask to see if people got the important parts of what you said.  If you are being communicated to, ask for the person to fill in any blanks to make sure you understand.  Don’t assume!

“Good communication does not mean that you have to speak in perfectly formed sentences and paragraphs.  It isn’t about slickness.  Simple and clear go a long way.” – John Kotter 

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

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